It is a goal of mine to one day enter into a marriage in which I waited to have sex with my partner. Some may say that "waiting until marriage" is obsolete, like chivalry. I declare chivalry to not be dead and thus so "waiting until marriage" is not dead either. I want to see God perform a miracle in my life. I have asked God to perform a miracle in my life before and He came through, so why would He not do it again. I want a faith like the glimpse I have come to see just getting to know God's Word and receiving a better understanding of it. The people need REAL testimony and if God shall provide the fire I will be the sacrifice to be a living testimony of what God can do when you put Him first. Just like Jesus walked this earth and lived how we live, was hungry, lied on and cheated and Jesus still did not sin? Matter of fact while nailed down to the cross, held high above the ground, with people below still cursing Him, Jesus still does not sin by cursing back, but He asks God to "forgive them for they know not what they do" (Luke 23:34). If a man named Jesus can have faith so strong like this I am curious to know if it is still real and if that kind of faith can be lived out in this day and age.
My heart's desire is to one day be married and live happily ever after, but I am trying something new this next time because I know God will meet all my needs, He knows the desires of my heart. I just need to have the patience and trust that God will provide.
One of the most beautiful scriptures I have come to know more intimately is Genesis 2:20-25:
But for Adam no suitable helper was found. So the Lord God caused the man to fall into a deep sleep; and while he was sleeping, he took one of the man’s ribs and then closed up the place with flesh. Then the Lord God made a woman from the rib he had taken out of the man, and he brought her to the man.
The man said,
“This is now bone of my bones
and flesh of my flesh;
she shall be called ‘woman,’
for she was taken out of man.”
That is why a man leaves his father and mother and is united to his wife, and they become one flesh.
Adam and his wife were both naked, and they felt no shame.
They were naked and not ashamed because their union was holy and God was in it and God was the head of it.
Recently, God gave me the opportunity to experience that kind of a union. I experienced a Godly, soulful relationship and it was good, but because of my lack of self-control I allowed sexual sin to come in and invade what was first meant for God. For after we laid with each other it was like everything was exposed. The communication was different, thoughts, plans, desires, words, feelings. My insecurities came so far to front it was drowning me on the inside. I felt heavy in my heart and I could not let it go and forgive me Father for I did not honestly articulate how I was truly feeling because I really didn't understand at the time that is was going on.
In my silence, in my wait, God sat me down and gave me a hard lesson in repentance. God began with reminding me of how precious I am and reminded me of my purpose and His plan for my life. He also reminded me of how I began to place my plans before Him and how He was looking for me like He was looking for Adam "Where are you Adam.." (Genesis 3:9) because of my sin. Repentance is REAL yall and in order to be elevated repentance ins't just cleaning up the obvious sins on the outside, but it must include the full cleansing of the heart from all unrighteousness. I feel the things on the inside that God is cleansing me from is a harder tasks to accomplish because there is no outward accountability, but maybe that is why we are to confess our sins to one another so that we can pray for one another (James 5:16). This is a hard lesson because in losing my self-control I lost my righteous mind and hurt someone that I truly loved. God said, "But seek ye first the kingdom of God, and his righteousness; and all these things shall be added unto you." (Matthew 6:33). I trust God that through my repentance like David in Psalm 38 God will make me over again to where I can be naked and not ashamed.
Queen is a Author/Poet that through her written works inspires, encourages and provokes discussions